Hannah.

'' Ah Lord Pinkerton ? '' an recreate mature lady around my mother 's age accosted me as I lounged amiably enough with my sidekick at the Misses Fotheringay 's ball at Southam Courtenay, `` Have you met my daughter Molly ? ``

I looked past the matron and there through the fug of intoxication I believed I beheld an angel, a great vision in gleaming pure white, and at back glance an improbably plump one, `` No, I have n't had the pleasure, '' I agreed uncertainly for the confection Mull-berry wine had had its effect on me.

'' I should hope not ! '' Algy declared, `` For she may have two legs, two weapon, two bosom and two eyes, though remarkably dis similar, but two chins Johnno, well you must draw a line somewhere ! ``

'' Ah, '' I agreed with a contented burp, `` Indeed. ``

poor people Molly turned and fled as fast as her considerable mass would allow.

'' You sir are an abomination ! '' the mother averred.

'' Fattening her up for Christmas, '' Bobby Fawkes chipped in, `` I like a plump hiss at Christmastide ! ``

'' I 'd like to sit down, '' I suggested as I regretted mixing Daniel Chester French and English vino so early in the evening.

'' You slight me sir ! '' the matron avowed.

'' William Tell me, '' I asked, `` You have but one chin, a thin weasel like side, a narrow waist, thin spindly stage beneath that nightdress I 'll play, so how did you deport a babe elephant for a daughter ? '' It was said by way of an good hunting for the truth.

'' I shall not remain to be insulted ! '' the matron replied.

'' Oh, shall you go elsewhere ? '' Bobby enquired.

'' Oh it was no insult gentlewoman, '' Algy insisted, `` No Johnno seeks to bed you. ``

She half smiled, `` Indeed, then I shall inform my hubby, God Almighty Garth. ``

'' That nifty oaf, '' Samuel Verney added, `` I should quake in my boots if it were me. ``

'' brothel keeper, '' I added, `` I have no great desire to puddle love to you, '' I insisted, `` Though I should certainly prefer you in my bed to that cracking ox of a girl, for she would surely break the bed frame ! '' It seemed funny at the clip, you understand but the next affair Algy had to abuse forward to quit the matron striking me.

I can not recall much of the evening after that, but in the fullness of prison term I awoke in a bed in the Red king of beasts Inn in Southam Whiston with the sun high in the high noon day sky and the pipe and barrel band of the Caithsby reserves playing inside my skill.

'' Oh my capitulum, '' I croaked.

'' So you are not numb ? '' an unfriendly female vox boomed around inside my skull.

'' No ma'am. '' I agreed, `` Though if I spent the Nox with you I wish I were. ``

'' Indeed, '' she boomed,

'' Can you please keep the noise down. '' I asked, `` My head is bursting ! ``

'' You insulted my girl molly, '' she insisted.

'' Oh god, Mrs Garth, '' I groaned.

'' Lady Garth, '' she corrected me, `` What do you intend to do about it ? '' she demanded.

'' Absolutely zilch madam, for she is fat as a pig, '' I explained, `` I own I 'd rather kiss a pig than Molly, on explanation of the less phone number of chins they display. ``

'' Very well then, '' she said and began to shout, `` Unhand me you drunken oaf, '' and with theatrical flair she tore at her bodice and through its okay quaity and exquisite goad work she dislodged but one troglodyte push where she sought to expose her bosoms to sound off view.

'' Creator Pinkerton I am a get hitched with woman ! '' she protested and right on cue my door opened and there were molly and the Inn custodian 's maid as informant and overlord Garth himself, a frail creature of apparently octogenarian time of origin though in verity he was but sixty such it was said was the voracity of ma'am Garth 's night time demands that he had aged twenty years in the low six calendar month of marriage.

'' Hold knockout untried Pinkerton, why are you dallying with the mem sahib ? '' he asked.

'' No musical theme sir, '' I explained, `` Your daughter is fat as a pig sir, '' I said inelegantly, `` Lady Garth came to remonstrate.

'' Carry on then, '' he said from the doorway.

'' Daddy Godhead Pinkerton has shown integral disrespect for myself and our mob, '' molly cried.

'' But you are as fat as a pig dearest, '' Maker Garth admitted and nodding towards his wife he continued, `` And watch that one for she 'll eat you live sir, '' he added as an after thought.

'' But my accolade, challenge him Lee Harvey Oswald, '' madam Garth insisted.

'' Challenge, why he would win hands down, '' Lord Garth averred, `` No you challenge him if you see fit, I am taking a walk around the park, good day. ``

Lady Garth stared in unbelief, `` He, '' she started to say.

'' Is a very sassy man, Lady Garth, '' I added, `` May I wish you good day ? ''

'' No indeed you may not ! '' lady Garth insisted, `` Not until this matter is settled. ``

I groaned, my top dog was far from cleared yet, `` Then set aside me some concealment that I may dress, ''
I asked reasonably enough.

'' No, I shall continue, '' noblewoman Garth insisted.

'' Then so be it, '' I suggested and I pulled my night shirt clean and jerk over my head to stand nude, sadly unaware that my chum had writ `` Pinkertons Prong a shilling an hour, '' across my belly in lamp black in the astuteness of the night.

'' Oh ! '' madam Garth cried in surprisal, `` Its huge ! ``

'' Oh, its immense ! '' cried molly in alarm clock,

'' Oohh, its Brobdingnagian, '' the maidservant said admiringly as sensing the perfume of a woman my prong raised himself to his full-of-the-moon eight inches and more of extension.

'' Put it away sir you will affright the gymnastic horse, '' Maker Garth said as he returned to assay the cause of the commotion, `` Or else do someone an trauma. ``

'' Ooohh yes what an harm, '' the maid simpered.

'' Damn it where 's me breeches, '' I cursed as my Nox shirt descended to clothe itself around the rootage of my prong leaving him straining still.

'' Marigold, check staring, '' Lord Garth councelled, `` Wife come away ! '' he repeated.

'' Mummy did he do it ? '' a fresh vocalization asked.

I looked an another maid had appeared, dressed in a bare egg white shift, her facial expression like the mother perhaps yet twenty long time her junior, blue eyed and blonde of hairsbreadth, svelte where the sister was porcine, well proportioned where the Sister was piggy, fair of face where the sister was distinctly porcine, and she regaled my prong with a steely regard as her hair flowed wild around her shoulders.

'' appear away girl ! '' Lord Garth cried, but to no avail and though I knew it not at once the maidservant was smitten.

'' Uh, it 's huge ! '' she said, `` Poor Mummy ! ``

'' Hannah ! '' peeress Garth cried, `` Look away, normal men are not so well endowed, so dread not. ``

'' Earl Marchington ? '' Hannah asked.

'' How should I recognize, probably not, '' Lady Garth blushed, `` My Hannah is betrothed to Earl Marchington. ``

'' What old Freddie ! '' I asked.

'' No the old duffer, '' Hannah admitted, `` Freddie 's daddy, '' she continued, `` He is fertile, we are not. ``

'' Your daughter is most advancing sir, '' I suggested as I tried to wrap up my prong even as the concourse pushed into my way as more joined to investigate the commotion.

'' I 'd be wed by now if only molly would get herself betrothed, '' Hannah argued.

'' Oh I see ! '' the fog cleared, slowly, `` And I have the only prong long enough to penetrate the full-bosomed mounds of flesh that protect molly 's ah, reward ? ``

'' Yes in a nut shell. '' nobleman Garth suggested.

'' Just get out all of you ! '' I demanded.

'' Then I demand one one C guinea fowl of I shall account that you abused me carnally in the Night ! '' Lady Garth said triumphantly.

'' Did I ? '' I queried, `` How ? ``

'' Oh what a enquiry ! '' she snorted.

'' Indeed, '' Lord Garth confessed, `` There are an hundred and more that will attest to waking up with my lady Garth. ``

'' silence you imbecile, '' peeress Gath replied, `` You make me sound like a harlot ! ``

I looked around, there were seven crowded into the midget room, the box bed and ward robe encroached further and there was still no mansion of my breeches, nor undergarments.

'' And where exactly do you suppose we conjoined ? '' I asked. `` On the storey ? '' I spread my arms full indicating there was an insufficiency of space, `` Or in the box bed ? '' I enquired.

'' On the bed of row ! '' the mother insisted.

'' And where should your spread legs go ? '' I asked.

'' Oh, indeed, '' Lord Garth agreed, `` The English of the box bed would impinge most painfully. ``

'' With Mummy on top then, '' Hannah declared.

'' Really, '' I enquired and I lay back on the bed and showed just how tightly the sides fitted me, `` And where would her human knee go. ? ``

There was a rustle of linen, a white angel appeared and leapt upon the bed like a playful gun dog, `` Like so ! '' Hannah insisted, and she planted a knee each face of my hip bones.

'' Your mother is neither lithe nor agile as you ! '' I declared.

'' But it is possible, '' Hannah insisted.

'' Hannah get down this instant ! '' madam Garth cried, `` You are betrothed ! ``

But it was all too latterly for she began to sink down, as as she did she pulled her fracture and mine so that no one saw my prong chute up the front of her belly and all believed I had pronged her.

'' Hannah ! '' Lady Garth cried, `` Get off him this blink of an eye

'' pudden-head fille ! '' Lord Garth added.

'' She must give a emptiness like a cow if she could take that without a whine, '' the housemaid observed.

'' Indeed, '' I agreed, `` Had I impaled her the unit universe would bear heard. ``

'' I stifled my screeching, '' Hannah suggested as she bounced ineffectually upon my loins.

'' You could n't possibly, '' I said, `` I won best prong three terms running at school ! ``

'' Yes I could ! '' she insisted.

'' liar ! '' I replied.

'' Yes I could ! '' she challenged again, and in one ill advised movement I raised her up and as she fell I guided my prong towards her maidenhead, it parted with a scream that sent Crow scattering a naut mi hence, `` Aggghhhhhh ! '' she cried, `` Desist I beg of you or I shall never take the air again ! ``

'' The pain will pass soon enough, '' I suggested.

'' I can not have a bun in the oven it, '' she said and the binge flowed.

'' Just stay still, '' I suggested as I sobered very quickly, `` Perhaps your honour is intact ? '' I asked hopefully.

'' With half your prong inside her I think not ! '' Lady Garth insisted.

'' Half ! '' Hannah cried and as she stilled she found herself sinking agonisingly ever further onto my prong, providing me with such exquisite pleasure that I could contain myself no boost and I lay back eye closed to enjoy the consequence of expulsion.

'' Oh no, do n't you make bold ! '' gentlewoman Garth exclaimed but suddenly my pubes were pumping and a quart and more of my stickiness surged Forth within pathetic Hannah.

'' Ohhhh, '' she gasped, `` mama ! ``

'' He 's claimed you you idiot ! '' Lady Garth cried, `` cum away, quickly, you saw nothing goose egg do you hear ! '' she insisted.

'' Oh, '' Hannah exclaimed when the doorway finally shut.

'' Oh indeed, '' I agreed.

'' I am, '' Hannah said quietly, `` Undone, ''

'' No affair, '' I suggested, `` Get old Marchington rummy and he 'll never be any the wiser. ``

'' Was that only three character in ? '' she asked.

'' Indeed, '' I agreed, `` But climb off before I stiffen again. ``

'' Perhaps, '' she said, `` I do n't desire to, for when shall I ever experience a prize winning prong again ? ``

'' You Minx ! '' I cried, `` You Jezebel, '' but my prong was renascent and speared upward into her well lubricated innards with the expectant of simplicity.

'' Ohhh, '' she gasped at the renewed intrusion, `` It 's immense ! ``

'' Is it too much ? '' I asked.

'' Perhaps ? '' she said, `` Perhaps not. ``

'' It 's not all the way in, '' I explained

'' Really ! '' she queried, `` It feels like it is, and more ! ``

'' No, it 's, the phratry execration, '' I explained, `` Few women can take the whole of a Pinkerton prong, those that can are whores, '' I added, `` I am cursed never to find the perfect cleaning lady who can make my integral length. ``

'' Then I am greatly relieved, '' she said and went to raise herself up but in doing so she slipped and slid down my prong even more, `` Nooooo, '' she wailed but to no effect for she was so dampish she slid right down to the very root of my prong, `` Like that ? '' she asked.

'' Oh gosh yes, oh Miss Garth, I am enraptured.

'' I am impaled, I fear the pain will never sink, '' she protested.

'' Bear it stoically for indeed it will come about and for myself, '' I admitted, `` I am in complete cristal and in a present moment I shall soothe your inner most share. ``

'' No you must not, '' she protested, but my cream was already boiling forth from my loins, `` please I pray, '' she continued, `` No, oh Creator no, '' and a great torrent gushed from me and I saw angel and the wholly heavenly emcee hand clapping and cheering and Hannah 's boldness had not the appearing of person in pain, oh no far from it, she was as enraptured as I.

'' I fear I shall never take the air properly again, '' she observed, `` You have ruined me utterly, '' she protested, `` No man shall want me now. ``

'' And you have shown even a slender adult female might take my distance and girth and bring me to the tiptop of X, '' I explained, `` testament you be my whore ? ``

'' Yes ! '' she agreed, as finally she climbed free of me, `` When I marry the duke I shall confabulate you regularly. ``

'' Every Night ? '' I asked.

'' Oh no, I must pass the Night with my husband, '' she declared, as she tried to staunch the flood of my seed busily escaping her.

'' In that case splice me ! '' I challenged.

'' I thank you for the kind offer but, '' she paused, `` I can not think of a single cause to refuse, except we do not bang one another or like one another or. ``

'' But we do fornicate amiably enough, '' I interjected.

'' And you will live a life story of sobriety ? '' she asked.

'' No, absolutely not ! '' I protested.

'' And stop chasing whores ? '' she suggested.

'' Only when you are indisposed, '' I agreed.

'' And will love me ? '' she asked.

'' I can try, '' I agreed.

'' And you will lie and say I am beautiful, '' she asked.

I looked at her, `` There is no need for me to lie, you are beautiful, '' I told her.

'' Then so be it ! '' she agreed, `` I do n't require to marry a duke anyway, he smells. '' she confided and after a suitable period she slipped from my room.

I found my clothes at length and dressed as smartly as yesterdays attire would allow and guess Forth, my Friend had already been apprised of my betrothal by my intended Miss Hannah and I sat down to my repast to serve their taunts.

'' Pinkerton, what meal is this, a late break-fast or an betimes lunch ? '' some wag asked,

'' I call it Brunch, '' I said, `` And later I shall hold High Teadinner. ``

'' Do n't be an half-wit ! '' Bobby Fawkes chided, `` Brunch, what a farcical notion, but why Pinkers ? '' he asked.

'' She took me lump deep, '' I said, `` Imagine, such a waife like countenance yet within there is a cleft of eight inches and more ! ``

'' Oh ? '' Algy enquired, `` And your mean of discovery ? ``

'' I pronged her of trend ! '' I declared.

'' Oh ? '' Bobby declared, `` crash it that 's a tad unsporting what with the duke having his heart set. ``

'' Ah well, '' I said, `` When it comes to estates they will always be trumped by the prong. ``

'' Easy for you to say Pinkers, '' Sam Verney chipped in, `` But what about those of us with man size prongs not the bollock of a prize bull. ''

'' fountainhead that 's hardly my problem is it ? '' I informed them and I tucked into my brunch while wondering if shepherds pie, fried eggs, bacon and Lycopersicon esculentum was an entirely Isaac Mayer Wise choice for my meal.

The noonday came and with it my departure from the Southam Courtenay and its environs and for my return home, the More enobled having stayed with the miss Fotheringay at Sutton Courtenay Court or the charge mansion in the priming and it was from there that a very angry Earl Marchington descended to trounce me.

'' Pinkerton, where is Pinkerton, '' he demanded his piggy trivial eyes bulging through immensely thick eyeglasses framed in the thickest frames I ever regaled as he bent his head word up to comensate for his arched back and stumpy thick legs and a belly witness to seventy class and more of drink and eating to excess.

'' Here sir ! '' Algy announced even as I tried to slip away the rearward way.

'' Pinkerton you cad ! '' he cried, `` ejaculate Forth River that I might have satisfaction ! ``

'' Sir ? '' I said as I had to come back to the dining room to look him.

'' You abused my betroth ! '' he accused, `` I demand atonement ! ``

'' Bessie the landlords girl is very suit, '' Bobby Guy Fawkes suggested.

'' Satisfaction sir ! '' he said, `` A duel ! ``

'' Indeed ? '' I enquired, `` Why ? ``

'' You ravished my wench ! '' he insisted, `` Choose your weapon ! ``

'' Prongs at cockcrow ! '' Algy suggested.

'' You insult me sir, '' the Earl railed. `` I did not come here to be treated with insults ! ``

'' Oh, so precisely where do you go ? '' Algy enquired.

'' Prongs it is then sir, '' I said, `` We shall select two whores as like as alike as we may and the one that cries out loudest is the winner. ``

'' I meant the retentive, '' Algy muttered.

'' You sir are depraved, '' the Earl muttered, `` Is the Landlord 's girl abroad ? '' he asked, `` For do you know I feel stirrings. ``

'' Indeed, '' I agreed, `` Though she is as ugly as a pig with a fragrance to agree, ''

'' Ah, then this is she ! '' he agreed as he espied a well padded young woman waddling towards us, `` mightiness I fuss you for a dalliance ? '' he asked his addled wit mistaking the cleaning lady for the Landlord 's daughter.

'' A dalliance ? '' she demanded, `` A coquetry ! '' for far from the Landlord 's daughter it was indeed mollie Garth, Hannah 's babe that had come to see me.

'' You mock me ! '' the Earl demanded, `` You think I am incapable ! ''
I nearly burst my sides with the travail of stifling my laugh

'' No sir, no but a dalliance ? '' she said.

'' flirtation, pronging, fornication, call it what you will, '' he demanded, `` I have stirring and I demand satisfaction ! ``

'' Damn it young lady, my Jehovah Earl Marchington has needs, '' I insisted, as I almost shook with laughter, `` Disrobe now I say ! ``
'' Earl ? '' she queried, `` Earl Marchington ! ``

'' Indeed, quickly girl, '' he declared, `` I have stirrings ! ``

Fat ugly and slow moving as she was molly was not entirely stupid, `` Oh then let me console you, '' she lisped, and looked to me for assistance.

'' Disrobe, use my way, no the dining table might suffice. '' I suggested.

'' No ! '' Molly protested, `` I can not ! ``

'' Lend a hand Pinkerton, before the desire fades ! '' the Earl cried, and before I could react both Algy and Bobby had stepped forward and after a indorsement thought so Sam came forward and they gently eased Molly towards the dining board, `` Disrobe her man ! '' the Earl cried.

'' For shame sake ! '' Molly cried as I watched, `` Unhand me ! '' she cried again but to my shame I just stood aside and watched as molly was pulled towards the mesa and then reversed against it and rolled on her back and it was the body of work of a minute to rend her bird and underskirts up and so reveal her bloated belly and the heap of fur hiding her slot.

The Earl was now scrabbling at his boot laces, his breeches around his ankle joint and his prong revealed, some four or five inches in length yet improbably fat like his belly.

I looked at his prong and her belly and back again, it would never do, `` On the edge of the table ! '' I ordered, seeing that the Earl 's prong and tabularise stood at the same superlative or thereabouts and at my summons so the mating began, a complicated affair, with Algy holding molly 's berm and Sam and Bobby holding her legs asplayed as the Earl approached with his prong rampant and slid it neatly within the furs of her one-armed bandit.

'' Oh ! '' Molly gasped as the Earl claimed her.

'' Like it do you wench ? '' The Earl asked.

poor Molly, she knew not what to answer so she held her natural language while the Earl amused himself for a few here and now until his eyes rolled signifying his present moment of loss and at that very moment mollie 's mother stepped into the room.

'' Molly ! '' the mother cried.

'' I say ! '' the Earl cried, `` You might bump ! ``

'' Un hand my daughter ! '' she cried.

'' This is not your daughter this is the Landlord 's maid, '' the Earl cried, `` Can you not see she is fat as an ox and ugly as a wild wild boar ? ``

'' That sir is Molly my Old girl, '' ma'am Garth insisted, `` Now pull your breeches up sir lest the zany protuberance on your posterior frightens the horses. ``

'' Are you sure ? '' he asked, `` Your girl you say ? '' he asked.

'' Yes ! '' dame Garth insisted, `` And you barbarians holding poor Molly down ! ''

'' My eye she would be a heavy ease of a snappy Nox, '' the Earl confessed, `` Nice and plump and bequeath. ``

'' You said she was ugly as a pig, my lord, '' I reminded him.

'' It matters not when the candles are blown out. '' he agreed, `` Look untried Pinkerton, lets blank out our duelling, you have the thin one and I 'll take the plump one, are we agreed. ``

'' Indeed sir a capital trace, '' I agreed.

'' Do I have no say in this ? '' Molly asked.

'' No, not if you are to be a Countess ! '' dame Garth intoned, `` We shall get the epithet changed on the man and wife licence forthwith, is three hebdomad the adjacent Saturday convenient for the marriage my lord. ``

'' I believe so, '' the Earl agreed, `` Damn it I shall get to it so. ``

'' But what about me ! '' Hannah protested.

'' I shall wed you ! '' I reminded her.

'' But you are a sot and a fornicator ! '' Hannah 's mother protested.

'' Agreed, but I do have my faults, '' I admitted.

'' And when shall you marry me ? '' Hannah asked.

'' This very mo if you wish, '' I suggested

'' Before the Divine ! '' she insisted.

'' Ah, '' Divine Garth suddenly announced, `` Have a double solemnization, save me a fortune do n't you know.

'' Yes ! '' peeress Garth agreed, wistfully, `` You always were a cheap skate why not state the world ! ``

'' And where shall we hold out ? '' Hannah asked.

'' Oh Creator knows, '' I replied, `` capital of the United Kingdom, or Barsetshire or Scotland, follow the season, '' I explained.

'' But we must go down down, buy a home ! '' Hannah insisted, `` An land perhaps ! ``

'' Buy another planetary house ! '' I protested, `` Damn it I have four already, Id'rather sell one than buy another ! ``

'' Four firm ? '' she said in amazement.

'' Big ones, hundreds of boor hovels of path. '' I admitted, `` I leave all that to my man ! ``

'' Yes well, '' dame Garth interjected, `` We well have it off how prone to magnification Jehovah Pinkerton is. ``

'' Me, exaggerate, '' I protested, `` On the perverse Madam, I habitually down roleplay my endowment so as not to frighten the fillies. ``

'' I do n't mean your prong ! '' Lady Garth explained, `` I mean your wealth. ``

'' If Hannah loves me then substantial things will not matter. '' I insisted, `` For where else will she retrieve such a fulfilling prong ? ``

'' Is that right Mother ? '' Hannah queried.

'' How should I cognise ? '' the mother asked in embarrassment.

'' Why there is hardly a handmaid that you have not at some time serviced, '' Lord Grath reminded her, `` Indeed Hannah has the expression of Colonel Templeman about her do you not believe ? ``

'' No ! '' peeress Garth protested, `` She does not ! ``

'' Well she looks very fine in any example, '' I explained, `` So if you will explain us I shall remind my beloved of the vantage of marrying me ! '' and I snatched her up and whisked her away to my room and pronged her anew, though it must be admitted that when faced with that awkward box bed and cramped room it proved most efficatious when she sat on the very edge of the bed and then as I stood and pronged her so I lifted her clear from the flooring forcing my manhood so deep into her that she squealed and wailed in XTC even as she wrapped her branch around me and I walked around the chamber supporting her solely with my prong and there I found heaven .