ITommy Ainsgarth gets buggered on t'engine

It were a dark November night in Yorkshire. Nineteen XXX something. It weren't raining for once. Nor freezing neither. Nor fog. lighter of Grisegarth sign box on t'London and North Eastern Railway could be seen for miles.

Passenger train do yesteryear, headed for Grimsby, locomotive engine were off beat a bit. It were an old ‘ un built be Beyers at Manchester for Lincolnshire and Yorkshire railway system. Four big driving roulette wheel as big as a man and four little 'uns out front. Over thirty yr old, losing time but nowt they couldn't mek up wi a bit o'speeding a bit over Ellerbeck viaduct and junction beyond.

Next along were Immingham goodness. On footplate were young Tommy Aisgarth. He were real excited, officially like as he were engine cleaner, but he's done test for fireman and it were his first gear time out firing engine on hanker stumble, He had been on shunting engines many times after having reached eighteen the age for working on engine footplate, but this were real thing.

Ted Moresely were driving, fat ugly pot bellied fella, near as fat as he were magniloquent, too bloody fat to get under engine to oil round proper like.

He were pissed off, he usually drove a big B5 class loco, built by George Esme Stuart Lennox Robinson in 1922 but today he had a near new J39, a minuscule cheaper engine built be Herbert Gresley what weren't really up to job so they shortened train to 40 wagon, 600 tons.

It were maximum load for J39 and Tommy had to act like a trojan, shovelling coal trying to keep up steam. He were sweating buckets, he stripped off his crown and then his shirt as he shovelled coal inexpertly into the famished firebox of the loco. Ted kept the regulator one-half open and the valves in full gear to make Tommy fret. He could have saved half the coal if he'd pulled up up and opened regulator but he were a sadistic sod.

The banged and crashed up through Grisegarth and past Moresby top to summit box, all sign off and only two instant down with water bobbing in the ass nut of calibre glass, Ted shut regulator and shouted for Tommy to put live steam injector on to fill boiler.

locomotive began to pick up speed, Tommy went to put tea can on firing plate for a brew.

"mess of time for that lad,"Ted says,"Time for a bit of fun."

"Fun Ted ?"Tommy asked.

"Fun, get thee trouser down I wan't to sodomize thee,"Ted laughed.

"Bloody Hades, bugger me, I mean not bugger me but don't sod me like."Tommy blustered.

"Look lad, on footplate driver's in charge and I'm number one wood reet ?"Ted explained,"And I fancies ramming me prance up thee's ass, not that I ent queer nor nothing, just that wanking meks thee blind and I'd rather spend cash on beer than on't ‘ ores.

"I dunno Ted,"Tommy says,"I ent ad a wench let alone be buggered."

"You refusing an rules of order from thee device driver ?"Ted asks,"Sacking offense is that."

"Now hang on !"Tommy proested,"Buggery's fucking illegal !"

"I'll tell they as thee let pee down and never looked out for signaling, told I to get farce and made I shovel coal as thee were too knackered to do on't."Ted warned.

"Thee's a nasty sodomite,"says Tommy as railroad train picked up speed down money box,"But I ‘ ant no choice ‘ as I."

wellspring loco were blowing off steam and water were coming up in glass so Tommy opened flack door to cool.

"Come on don't bugger about, '' Ted insisted

Reluctantly Tommy undid his belt and slipped his pants down.

Ted smirked"couple thee self agin the backplate,"he chuckled.

"It's all-fired red hot !"Tommy protested.

"Bugger, bloody Gresley, bloody GC engines has them lagged,"Ted cursed,"Hang on to bally water system scoop instead.

Tommy stood wi his breeks around his ankles gripping on to water scoop bike while Ted eased hs couple off of his sholders and dropped his coveralls to let out a shortstop fat ugly cock barely poking out as far as his fat gut.

Ted wobbled as he aimed hs stopcock at Tommy's ass but missed half a dozen meter when suddely wallop.

Teds hammer pressed an in into Tommy's cockeyed ass mess as the locomotive engine stopped pretty near dead.

There was a terrible crashing of busted Natalie Wood and metal engine reared up at back end and Ted and Tommy was flung against the boiler.

Tommy was stunned, he thought it was the cushion of his ass hole busting but then Ted was screaming and there was ember off the ship's boat and busted wood all around. Tommy were stunned but he dragged his pants back up and staggered around trying to produce sense of it.

There were give away turn of carriages all round.

"Bugger me Ted we hit summat !"Tommy says.

"Agghhhhhh !"Ted screamed. Tommy couldn't see Ted.

"What's going off ?"Tommy asked.

"Agghhhhhhh !"Ted screamed again.

Tommy reached for the fervour threshold lever to open up ‘ em up so as he could see. The lever was jammed but ith the open berth. He coldn't understand it so he grabbed the water standard of measurement lamp.

"Arrrgghhhh !"screamed Ted.

Tommy shone the light. There were Ted wi his ass speared by the knob on the firebox door lever and all the skin burned off of his bum. Tommy felt sick and wanted to laugh at the same time.

"I go to point box for convention 55 !"he offered and he jumped down off of engine and headed for box.

Turned out evince engne had rolled bad on Muncaster Viaduct and derailed tender, Vacuum Pteridium aquilinum had stopped it and trade good had run through five signal before hitting express up the ass.

Ted were probably dead afore anyone bohered wi him. His ass were burned right away to the bone and he rest of him roasted though his kicking were very well and his cap and pocket watch.

"By eck tha's a golden crevice,"said signalman as Tommy walked up whole tone to box.

"How d'yuo mean value ?"Tommy asked.

"Walking away from tha'crash,"he replied.

"Aye, hardly a moolah,"Tommy agreed.

"And thee number one wood ?"signalman asked.

"He was screaming a bit but he shut up now, priority is rule 55 ent it,"Tommy replied.

"Tha'll mek a very well railwayman, have a brew and go back and if he's dead nick his sentry before some early bugger does."

"Tha's a callous bugger,"Tommy replied.

"Not if driver were one Ted Moresely,"Signalman explained,"Bastard said I put signals back agin him when he ran right through em, too busy buggering his relief pitcher, has he buggered you an all ?"

Tommy said nowt.

"No sodomist liked him, tight fisted fat lazy cocksucker,"Signalman moaned.

"Can I use your bog ?"Tommy asked.

"No thee bloody can't,"Signalman said but it were too former Tommy had door open.

Poor Tommy never seen a lad porter's beer in a uniform jacket and nowt else except for stockings and suspender afore. So he fainted.

He was in waiting room at the station when he woke up. station agent were shaking him,"Eh no slacking."

"I just had a eruption,"Tommy explained.

"What, wi Doris from refreshment room ?"examiner asked.

"Nay we run into ass of Passenger."Tommy says.

"Well go and excuse passenger fire-eater, he banged his psyche, they're going on wi half train."he explained.

Tommy climbed onto passenger railway locomotive, Sid Hancock were driver.

"Eye up thee all reet lad ?"he asked.

"Aye, Bloody Ted tried to bugger I and ne'er kept a look out,"Tommy says.

"Shoud have waited ‘ till lodge at Immingham,"he laughed,"Still stick wi I and I'll see thee right."

Tommy had no trouble wi locomotive and Sid took him to lodge,"We usually shares double bed drier and fireman together,"says driver,"But I pays extra."

"What for a exclusive elbow room ?"asks Tommy.

"Nay lad for a cocotte,"he laughed.

poor Tommy, he had to kip on floor. Landlady showed them to room. She were a widder, maybe forty twelvemonth old, fat as a pig, then instead of buggering off while they turned in she stripped off and led on bed while Sid shagged her.

"You want a slug lad, I paid her for wholly night ?"Sid asked.

"No thanks,"says Tommy.

"Look why be a gooseberry, sod off and prevent our Dolores company why don't you ?"Landlady suggested.

Dolores were Landladies daugher, she were at Grimsby college learning hospitality.

Her tits were straining the seam on her cardigan, her lips were like rubies, her eyes were like, well eyes, one were blue and the former weren't, her haircloth was virgin gold wi black roots, her thigh were summat else and her face, had all the right second and well thee don't have to look at it when you're close up do thee.

"I'm doll,"says Dolores.

"howdy doll,"says Tommy.

"comic eh ?"she says.

"Nay fireman,"says Tommy.

"Got a girlfriend ?"says Dolly.

"Nay,"says Tommy.

"Been buggered ?"she asked.

"No !"says he.

"Good, I'm doing cordial reception academic degree,"says Dolly,"Maybe you can help oneself me wi me homework ?"

"I don't know,"says Tommy.

"I got exams on week after next and I still ‘ ant sucked a chap off yet,"

"What ?"Tommy demanded.

"I wants to be a Hoo er and you has to be certified to want to be a hoo er,"she said,"Least aways that's what me da says."

"Bin Fucked ?"Tommy asked.

"No that's final term,"doll explained.

"All reet, I lend thee me cock for coke job,"Tommy says as he dropped his breeches.

"Ooooh its so big !"Dolly says."They told me to say that no topic how big it is,"she admitted.

"belt up and wind thee laughing rig round it,"Tommy says all manly like.

"Not if you're going to be rude,"Dolly says as she grasped his tool firmly.

"Oh fuck !"says Tommy as he shot his load, luckily it missed her dress and cardigan and splattered onto her neck.

"You're fucking useless,"she opined. Poor Tommy. He ended up kipping in corridor.

Next day Tommy had to go home be way of Doncaster on account of line of descent being blocked and he had to report to shedmaster to explain why he hadn't kept a proper look out.

"I had difficulty wi injector see,"he explained,"These Gresley engines are rubbish."

"And thee driver ?"he asked. Now Tommy weren't sorting of feller to dob any sodomist in so he says,"Having a shit on me shovel while I worked on injector."

"Trying to bugger thee more like,"Inspector replied,"Ah well he won't be buggering any bugger any meter soon, all skins burned off his ass and that firebox door handle."

"Went up his ass,"Tommy said all destitute like.

"Did it heck as like,"said examiner,"It went in all reet but it missed his ass hole, fact is he got two ass pickle now."

"No, you're joking !"Tommy gasped.

"Fucking surgeon at railroad line Hospital hated the fat fucker so he made wound into second ass hole,"the inspector laughed,"He told Ted he coud have new life history in Circus as the man we two asses !"

"Bloody pit,"says Tommy,"I suppose he would rather have two cocks ?"he suggested.

"Not that bugger !"Inspector added.

Tommy was fascinated be Doncaster works, he saw locomotive with coach connection on supply ship,"What's that for ?"he asked.

"So driver can get a pint from buffet car when he's parched,"Inspector told him.

As salt lick would take it Ted got septicaemia and died, pitiable sodomite ‘ adn't no one, no family unit or nowt so he has a paupers funeral and the union paid for undertaker and for the best secondment script coffin instrument brokers had in pedigree out of member subs.

Funeral day and four blighter took some piece of tail and made sure the lid wasn't coming off any time soon before they carried it in to church and set the coffin down, then when military service started. Priest asked Tommy to say a few words, being as he was Ted's last mate.

"I couldn't control stick Ted. Ted were an ugly fat lazy bugger, a bloody liar and a son of a bitch mate. He neber oiled his engine proper nor nothin'He died ‘ lawsuit he neglected his dooty to kip a looking at out. I remember him when we had crash"Arrrrgghhhhhhhhhhhh,"he said wi'his trouser down and his ass jammed on firehole door lever knob."A with child belly laugh came from the half dozen or so blokes what botheredbto turn up."I never liked him, no one I know liked him, and I'm bloody glad he's dead."

"Amen !"said someone,"Amen, well said lad !"and they all clapped.

Afterwards Vicar had a quiet word wi Tommy,"I knows we says to always be fair,"Vicar said,"But in twenty years I never heard such an honest pean spoken."

Tommy hadn't the slightest approximation what he were on about. But when he got one-time he realised one thing, when it comes to buggery its substantially to hold than receive.

And Dolly ? She failed the exams and had to move to Greater London as they has let down standards for Hoo ers than us do in Yorkshire .