Hannah.

'' Ah Lord Pinkerton ? '' an hearten mature lady around my mother 's age accosted me as I lounged amiably enough with my pal at the misfire Fotheringay 's ball at Southam Courtenay, `` Have you met my girl Molly ? ``

I looked past the matron and there through the fug of intoxication I believed I beheld an Angel Falls, a nifty visual sense in gleaming virginal Edward White, and at second glance an improbably plump one, `` No, I have n't had the pleasure, '' I agreed uncertainly for the sweetened Mull-berry wine had had its effect on me.

'' I should desire not ! '' Algy declared, `` For she may have two pegleg, two branch, two tit and two eyes, though remarkably dis standardised, but two chin Johnno, well you must pull a line somewhere ! ``

'' Ah, '' I agreed with a contented burp, `` Indeed. ``

Poor molly turned and fled as fast as her considerable mass would allow.

'' You sir are an detestation ! '' the mother averred.

'' Fattening her up for Yule, '' Bobby Guy Fawkes chipped in, `` I like a plump fowl at Christmas ! ``

'' I 'd like to sit down, '' I suggested as I regretted mixing French and English language wine-coloured so early in the evening.

'' You slight me sir ! '' the matron avowed.

'' Tell me, '' I asked, `` You have but one chin, a thin weasel like face, a constringe waist, dilute spindly legs beneath that gown I 'll play, so how did you have a baby elephant for a girl ? '' It was said by way of an good search for the truth.

'' I shall not persist to be insulted ! '' the matron replied.

'' Oh, shall you go elsewhere ? '' Bobby enquired.

'' Oh it was no insult Madam, '' Algy insisted, `` No Johnno seeks to bed you. ``

She half smiled, `` Indeed, then I shall inform my husband, Godhead Garth. ``

'' That great oaf, '' Samuel Verney added, `` I should quake in my kick if it were me. ``

'' Madam, '' I added, `` I have no smashing desire to make fuck to you, '' I insisted, `` Though I should certainly choose you in my bed to that great ox of a daughter, for she would surely go the bed form ! '' It seemed comical at the time, you understand but the adjacent thing Algy had to pace forward to block up the matron striking me.

I can not retrieve much of the eventide after that, but in the fullness of clip I awoke in a bed in the Red Lion Inn in Southam Whiston with the sun high in the noontide day sky and the pipe and metal drum dance orchestra of the Caithsby militia playing inside my skill.

'' Oh my read/write head, '' I croaked.

'' So you are not dead ? '' an unfriendly female person phonation boomed around inside my skull.

'' No dame. '' I agreed, `` Though if I spent the Nox with you I wish I were. ``

'' Indeed, '' she boomed,

'' Can you please keep the noise down. '' I asked, `` My head is bursting ! ``

'' You insulted my daughter Molly, '' she insisted.

'' Oh god, Mrs Garth, '' I groaned.

'' Lady Garth, '' she corrected me, `` What do you destine to do about it ? '' she demanded.

'' Absolutely nothing madam, for she is fat as a pig, '' I explained, `` I own I 'd rather kiss a pig than molly, on account of the lesser phone number of chins they display. ``

'' Very well then, '' she said and began to yell, `` Unhand me you drunken oaf, '' and with theatrical flare she tore at her bodice and through its ok quaity and dainty needle employment she dislodged but one solitary button where she sought to break her bosoms to plain view.

'' lord Pinkerton I am a married woman ! '' she protested and right on cue my room access opened and there were mollie and the Inn keeper 's maiden as witness and Lord Garth himself, a fragile wight of apparently octogenarian vintage though in the true he was but sixty such it was said was the voracity of Lady Garth 's Nox clip demands that he had aged twenty long time in the start six months of marriage.

'' Hold hard young Pinkerton, why are you dallying with the mem sahib ? '' he asked.

'' No estimation sir, '' I explained, `` Your girl is fat as a pig sir, '' I said inelegantly, `` lady Garth came to remonstrate.

'' Carry on then, '' he said from the doorway.

'' pa Lord Pinkerton has shown integral disrespect for myself and our family, '' Molly cried.

'' But you are as fat as a pig dearest, '' Lord Garth admitted and nodding towards his wife he continued, `` And watch that one for she 'll eat you awake sir, '' he added as an after thought.

'' But my honour, challenge him Lee Harvey Oswald, '' gentlewoman Garth insisted.

'' Challenge, why he would win manpower down, '' Creator Garth averred, `` No you challenge him if you see fit, I am taking a walk around the park, right day. ``

Lady Garth stared in incredulity, `` He, '' she started to say.

'' Is a very wise man, madam Garth, '' I added, `` May I wish you good day ? ''

'' No indeed you may not ! '' Lady Garth insisted, `` Not until this issue is settled. ``

I groaned, my head was far from cleared yet, `` Then tolerate me some seclusion that I may coiffe, ''
I asked reasonably enough.

'' No, I shall remain, '' Lady Garth insisted.

'' Then so be it, '' I suggested and I pulled my night shirt clean over my headway to stand naked, sadly incognizant that my buddy had writ `` Pinkertons Prong a shilling an hour, '' across my belly in lamp black in the depths of the night.

'' Oh ! '' peeress Garth cried in surprise, `` Its vast ! ``

'' Oh, its Brobdingnagian ! '' cried Molly in alarm,

'' Oohh, its huge, '' the maid said admiringly as sensing the smell of a woman my prong raised himself to his wax eight inches and more of prolongation.

'' Put it away sir you will frighten the knight, '' Lord Garth said as he returned to seek the suit of the to-do, `` Or else do someone an accidental injury. ``

'' Ooohh yes what an hurt, '' the housemaid simpered.

'' Damn it where 's me rear of tube, '' I cursed as my night shirt descended to clothe itself around the theme of my prong leaving him straining still.

'' Marigold, stop staring, '' Lord Garth councelled, `` Wife come away ! '' he repeated.

'' Mummy did he do it ? '' a new vocalization asked.

I looked an another maid had appeared, dressed in a simple lily-white shift, her face like the female parent perhaps yet 20 eld her junior, blue eyed and blond of hair, svelte where the sister was porcine, well proportioned where the sister was porcine, fair of face where the sister was distinctly porcine, and she regaled my prong with a steely gaze as her hairsbreadth flowed wild around her shoulders.

'' Look away girl ! '' Lord Garth cried, but to no avail and though I knew it not at once the maidservant was smitten.

'' Uh, it 's huge ! '' she said, `` Poor Mummy ! ``

'' Hannah ! '' madam Garth cried, `` front away, pattern men are not so well endowed, so reverence not. ``

'' Earl Marchington ? '' Hannah asked.

'' How should I be intimate, probably not, '' madam Garth blushed, `` My Hannah is betrothed to Earl Marchington. ``

'' What old Freddie ! '' I asked.

'' No the old duffer, '' Hannah admitted, `` Freddie 's daddy, '' she continued, `` He is rich, we are not. ``

'' Your girl is most forward sir, '' I suggested as I tried to continue my prong even as the throng pushed into my elbow room as more joined to enquire the commotion.

'' I 'd be wed by now if only mollie would get herself betrothed, '' Hannah argued.

'' Oh I see ! '' the fog cleared, slowly, `` And I have the only prong long enough to penetrate the voluptuary pile of figure that protect Molly 's ah, honour ? ``

'' Yes in a nut plate. '' Lord Garth suggested.

'' Just get out all of you ! '' I demanded.

'' Then I demand one hundred ginzo of I shall report that you abused me carnally in the nighttime ! '' Lady Garth said triumphantly.

'' Did I ? '' I queried, `` How ? ``

'' Oh what a question ! '' she snorted.

'' Indeed, '' master Garth confessed, `` There are an hundred and More that will certify to waking up with my lady Garth. ``

'' Silence you imbecile, '' peeress Gath replied, `` You make me sound like a cocotte ! ``

I looked around, there were seven crowded into the petite room, the box bed and ward robe encroached further and there was still no polarity of my knickerbockers, nor undergarments.

'' And where exactly do you imagine we conjoined ? '' I asked. `` On the floor ? '' I spread my weapon system wide indicating there was an inadequacy of blank space, `` Or in the box bed ? '' I enquired.

'' On the bed of form ! '' the female parent insisted.

'' And where should your spread legs go ? '' I asked.

'' Oh, indeed, '' lord Garth agreed, `` The side of the box bed would entrench most painfully. ``

'' With mammy on top then, '' Hannah declared.

'' Really, '' I enquired and I lay back on the bed and showed just how tightly the slope fitted me, `` And where would her knees go. ? ``

There was a rustle of linen, a blank angel appeared and leapt upon the bed like a playful gun dog, `` Like so ! '' Hannah insisted, and she planted a genu each side of my hip bones.

'' Your mother is neither lithe nor agile as you ! '' I declared.

'' But it is potential, '' Hannah insisted.

'' Hannah get down this instant ! '' Lady Garth cried, `` You are betrothed ! ``

But it was all too late for she began to sink down, as as she did she pulled her transmutation and mine so that no one saw my prong slide up the front of her paunch and all believed I had pronged her.

'' Hannah ! '' Lady Garth cried, `` Get off him this instant

'' pudding head little girl ! '' Lord Garth added.

'' She must let a nothingness like a cow if she could take that without a whimper, '' the amah observed.

'' Indeed, '' I agreed, `` Had I impaled her the whole macrocosm would make heard. ``

'' I stifled my sidesplitter, '' Hannah suggested as she bounced ineffectually upon my loins.

'' You could n't possibly, '' I said, `` I won best prong three full term running at school ! ``

'' Yes I could ! '' she insisted.

'' prevaricator ! '' I replied.

'' Yes I could ! '' she challenged again, and in one ill advised movement I raised her up and as she fell I guided my prong towards her maidenhead, it parted with a belly laugh that sent vaporing scattering a international nautical mile hence, `` Aggghhhhhh ! '' she cried, `` Desist I beg of you or I shall never walk again ! ``

'' The pain will pass soon enough, '' I suggested.

'' I can not support it, '' she said and the rent flowed.

'' Just stay still, '' I suggested as I sobered very quickly, `` Perhaps your accolade is intact ? '' I asked hopefully.

'' With half your prong inside her I think not ! '' noblewoman Garth insisted.

'' half ! '' Hannah cried and as she stilled she found herself sinking agonisingly ever further onto my prong, providing me with such dainty pleasure that I could curb myself no advance and I lay back optic closed to enjoy the moment of expulsion.

'' Oh no, do n't you defy ! '' lady Garth exclaimed but suddenly my loins were pumping and a quart and Thomas More of my stickiness surged forth within poor Hannah.

'' Ohhhh, '' she gasped, `` mum ! ``

'' He 's claimed you you idiot ! '' lady Garth cried, `` Come away, quickly, you saw cipher nothing do you try ! '' she insisted.

'' Oh, '' Hannah exclaimed when the threshold finally shut.

'' Oh indeed, '' I agreed.

'' I am, '' Hannah said quietly, `` Undone, ''

'' No matter, '' I suggested, `` Get old Marchington drunk and he 'll never be any the wiser. ``

'' Was that only three parts in ? '' she asked.

'' Indeed, '' I agreed, `` But climb off before I stiffen again. ``

'' Perhaps, '' she said, `` I do n't need to, for when shall I ever get a award winning prong again ? ``

'' You Minx ! '' I cried, `` You Jezebel, '' but my prong was resurgent and speared upward into her well lubricated viscera with the expectant of ease.

'' Ohhh, '' she gasped at the renewed intrusion, `` It 's immense ! ``

'' Is it too much ? '' I asked.

'' Perhaps ? '' she said, `` Perhaps not. ``

'' It 's not all the way in, '' I explained

'' Really ! '' she queried, `` It feels like it is, and more ! ``

'' No, it 's, the family whammy, '' I explained, `` Few women can withdraw the whole of a Pinkerton prong, those that can are lady of pleasure, '' I added, `` I am cursed never to incur the perfect womanhood who can take my intact length. ``

'' Then I am greatly relieved, '' she said and went to elevate herself up but in doing so she slipped and slid down my prong even more, `` Nooooo, '' she wailed but to no effect for she was so damp she slid right down to the very root word of my prong, `` Like that ? '' she asked.

'' Oh gosh yes, oh missy Garth, I am enraptured.

'' I am impaled, I fear the pain will never subside, '' she protested.

'' Bear it stoically for indeed it will pass and for myself, '' I admitted, `` I am in double-dyed ecstasy and in a moment I shall solace your inner most parts. ``

'' No you must not, '' she protested, but my emollient was already boiling Forth River from my loins, `` delight I pray, '' she continued, `` No, oh lord no, '' and a cracking violent stream gushed from me and I saw holy person and the altogether heavenly horde applause and shouting and Hannah 's face had not the appearance of someone in pain, oh no far from it, she was as enraptured as I.

'' I fear I shall never walk properly again, '' she observed, `` You have ruined me utterly, '' she protested, `` No man shall require me now. ``

'' And you have shown even a slender womanhood might consider my distance and cinch and bring me to the heights of raptus, '' I explained, `` volition you be my tart ? ``

'' Yes ! '' she agreed, as finally she climbed free of me, `` When I marry the duke I shall visit you regularly. ``

'' Every night ? '' I asked.

'' Oh no, I must drop the nights with my husband, '' she declared, as she tried to stem the flood of my semen busily escaping her.

'' In that case get hitched with me ! '' I challenged.

'' I thank you for the kind offer but, '' she paused, `` I can not guess of a I ground to refuse, except we do not know one another or like one another or. ``

'' But we do fornicate amiably enough, '' I interjected.

'' And you will experience a lifespan of sobriety ? '' she asked.

'' No, absolutely not ! '' I protested.

'' And stop chasing fancy woman ? '' she suggested.

'' Only when you are indisposed, '' I agreed.

'' And will get laid me ? '' she asked.

'' I can try, '' I agreed.

'' And you will lie and say I am beautiful, '' she asked.

I looked at her, `` There is no indigence for me to lie, you are beautiful, '' I told her.

'' Then so be it ! '' she agreed, `` I do n't want to marry a duke anyway, he smells. '' she confided and after a suitable stop she slipped from my room.

I found my apparel at distance and dressed as smartly as yesterdays attire would allow and hazard Forth River, my admirer had already been apprised of my betrothal by my intended Miss Hannah and I sat down to my meal to answer their taunts.

'' Pinkerton, what repast is this, a of late break-fast or an betimes lunch ? '' some wag asked,

'' I call it Brunch, '' I said, `` And later I shall take High Teadinner. ``

'' Do n't be an retard ! '' Bobby Fawkes chided, `` Brunch, what a ridiculous whimsey, but why Pinkers ? '' he asked.

'' She took me testis mysterious, '' I said, `` Imagine, such a waife like sanction yet within there is a cleft of eight inches and more ! ``

'' Oh ? '' Algy enquired, `` And your way of discovery ? ``

'' I pronged her of course ! '' I declared.

'' Oh ? '' Bobby declared, `` dart it that 's a tad unsporting what with the duke having his pith set. ``

'' Ah well, '' I said, `` When it comes to estates they will always be trumped by the prong. ``

'' Easy for you to say Pinkers, '' Sam Verney chipped in, `` But what about those of us with human being size prongs not the bullock block of a prize bull. ''

'' well that 's hardly my problem is it ? '' I informed them and I tucked into my brunch while wondering if sheepman pie, fried ballock, Roger Bacon and tomato was an entirely impudent choice for my meal.

The noon came and with it my departure from the Southam Courtenay and its surround and for my income tax return base, the more enobled having stayed with the fille Fotheringay at Sutton Courtenay Court or the lodging sign in the grounds and it was from there that a very tempestuous Earl Marchington descended to rebuke me.

'' Pinkerton, where is Pinkerton, '' he demanded his shoat lilliputian optic bulging through immensely thick monocle framed in the thickest human body I ever regaled as he bent his top dog up to comensate for his arched back and dumpy midst legs and a belly witness to seventy years and more of drinking and eating to excess.

'' Here sir ! '' Algy announced even as I tried to slip away the endorse way.

'' Pinkerton you cad ! '' he cried, `` seminal fluid Forth River that I might feature satisfaction ! ``

'' Sir ? '' I said as I had to return to the dining room to front him.

'' You abused my plight ! '' he accused, `` I demand satisfaction ! ``

'' Bessie the landlords daughter is very reconcile, '' Bobby Fawkes suggested.

'' Satisfaction sir ! '' he said, `` A duel ! ``

'' Indeed ? '' I enquired, `` Why ? ``

'' You ravished my skirt ! '' he insisted, `` Choose your artillery ! ``

'' Prongs at dawn ! '' Algy suggested.

'' You insult me sir, '' the Earl railed. `` I did not come here to be treated with insults ! ``

'' Oh, so precisely where do you go ? '' Algy enquired.

'' Prongs it is then sir, '' I said, `` We shall select two fancy woman as like as alike as we may and the one that cries out forte is the winner. ``

'' I meant the longest, '' Algy muttered.

'' You sir are depraved, '' the Earl muttered, `` Is the Landlord 's daughter abroad ? '' he asked, `` For do you recognize I feel stirring. ``

'' Indeed, '' I agreed, `` Though she is as ugly as a pig with a fragrance to check, ''

'' Ah, then this is she ! '' he agreed as he espied a fountainhead padded young woman waddling towards us, `` power I bother you for a dalliance ? '' he asked his wooly-minded brain mistaking the woman for the Landlord 's daughter.

'' A dawdling ? '' she demanded, `` A flirting ! '' for far from the Landlord 's daughter it was indeed molly Garth, Hannah 's baby that had come to see me.

'' You mock me ! '' the Earl demanded, `` You think I am incapable ! ''
I nearly burst my face with the efforts of stifling my laughter

'' No sir, no but a trifling ? '' she said.

'' trifling, pronging, fornication, shout out it what you will, '' he demanded, `` I have stirrings and I demand satisfaction ! ``

'' Damn it girl, my Lord Earl Marchington has needs, '' I insisted, as I almost shook with laugh, `` Disrobe now I say ! ``
'' Earl ? '' she queried, `` Earl Marchington ! ``

'' Indeed, quickly girl, '' he declared, `` I have inspiration ! ``

Fat ugly and slow moving as she was molly was not entirely pillock, `` Oh then let me solace you, '' she lisped, and looked to me for assistance.

'' Disrobe, use my room, no the dining table might answer. '' I suggested.

'' No ! '' Molly protested, `` I can not ! ``

'' Lend a bridge player Pinkerton, before the desire fades ! '' the Earl cried, and before I could oppose both Algy and Bobby had stepped forward and after a seconds thought so Sam came forward and they gently eased Molly towards the dining mesa, `` Disrobe her man ! '' the Earl cried.

'' For pities sake ! '' Molly cried as I watched, `` Unhand me ! '' she cried again but to my disgrace I just stood aside and watched as molly was pulled towards the board and then reversed against it and rolled on her back and it was the work of a minute to pull her skirts and underskirts up and so reveal her bloated belly and the flock of fur hiding her slot.

The Earl was now scrabbling at his thrill laces, his breeches around his ankle and his prong revealed, some four or five inches in length yet improbably fat like his belly.

I looked at his prong and her belly and back again, it would never do, `` On the boundary of the table ! '' I ordered, seeing that the Earl 's prong and tabularize stood at the Lapp summit or thereabouts and at my command so the mating began, a complicated affair, with Algy holding Molly 's shoulders and Sam and Bobby holding her legs asplayed as the Earl approached with his prong rampant and slid it neatly within the fur of her slot.

'' Oh ! '' Molly gasped as the Earl claimed her.

'' Like it do you wench ? '' The Earl asked.

poor Molly, she knew not what to respond so she held her tongue while the Earl amused himself for a few moments until his eyes rolled signifying his moment of release and at that very moment Molly 's mother stepped into the room.

'' Molly ! '' the mother cried.

'' I say ! '' the Earl cried, `` You might pink ! ``

'' Un deal my girl ! '' she cried.

'' This is not your daughter this is the Landlord 's maid, '' the Earl cried, `` Can you not see she is fat as an ox and ugly as a wild boar ? ``

'' That sir is Molly my older girl, '' Lady Garth insisted, `` Now rip your breeches up sir lest the goose protrusion on your fundament frightens the buck. ``

'' Are you sure ? '' he asked, `` Your daughter you say ? '' he asked.

'' Yes ! '' Lady Garth insisted, `` And you barbarians holding pitiful molly down ! ''

'' My eye she would be a capital comfort of a frosty night, '' the Earl confessed, `` Nice and plump and willing. ``

'' You said she was ugly as a pig, my Divine, '' I reminded him.

'' It matters not when the standard candle are blown out. '' he agreed, `` reckon Thomas Young Pinkerton, lets forget our duelling, you have the thin one and I 'll film the plump one, are we agreed. ``

'' Indeed sir a capital trace, '' I agreed.

'' Do I have no say in this ? '' Molly asked.

'' No, not if you are to be a Countess ! '' Lady Garth intoned, `` We shall get the name changed on the marriage permit forthwith, is three hebdomad the side by side Saturday convenient for the wedding my lord. ``

'' I believe so, '' the Earl agreed, `` Damn it I shall make it so. ``

'' But what about me ! '' Hannah protested.

'' I shall marry you ! '' I reminded her.

'' But you are a drunk and a fornicator ! '' Hannah 's mother protested.

'' Agreed, but I do have my fracture, '' I admitted.

'' And when shall you marry me ? '' Hannah asked.

'' This very moment if you wish, '' I suggested

'' Before the lord ! '' she insisted.

'' Ah, '' Jehovah Garth suddenly announced, `` Have a duplicate celebration, economise me a lot do n't you know.

'' Yes ! '' Lady Garth agreed, wistfully, `` You always were a cheap skate why not tell the world ! ``

'' And where shall we inhabit ? '' Hannah asked.

'' Oh lord knows, '' I replied, `` capital of the United Kingdom, or Barsetshire or Scotland, follow the season, '' I explained.

'' But we must settle down, buy a household ! '' Hannah insisted, `` An demesne perhaps ! ``

'' Buy another home ! '' I protested, `` Damn it I have four already, Id'rather sell one than buy another ! ``

'' Four houses ? '' she said in amazement.

'' Big one, hundred of bucolic hovels of line. '' I admitted, `` I leave all that to my man ! ``

'' Yes well, '' madam Garth interjected, `` We well bang how prone to exaggeration Lord Pinkerton is. ``

'' Me, exaggerate, '' I protested, `` On the contrary gentlewoman, I habitually down play my talent so as not to scare the fillies. ``

'' I do n't think your prong ! '' gentlewoman Garth explained, `` I mean your wealth. ``

'' If Hannah loves me then cloth things will not weigh. '' I insisted, `` For where else will she notice such a fulfilling prong ? ``

'' Is that right field Mother ? '' Hannah queried.

'' How should I know ? '' the female parent asked in embarrassment.

'' Why there is hardly a handmaiden that you have not at some fourth dimension serviced, '' Lord Grath reminded her, `` Indeed Hannah has the smell of Colonel Templeman about her do you not think ? ``

'' No ! '' Lady Garth protested, `` She does not ! ``

'' Well she looks very hunky-dory in any example, '' I explained, `` So if you will beg off us I shall cue my beloved of the reward of marrying me ! '' and I snatched her up and whisked her away to my elbow room and pronged her anew, though it must be admitted that when faced with that awkward box bed and cramped room it proved most efficatious when she sat on the very boundary of the bed and then as I stood and pronged her so I lifted her clear from the floor forcing my manhood so trench into her that she squealed and wailed in X even as she wrapped her legs around me and I walked around the bedchamber supporting her solely with my prong and there I found heaven .